Name: Angry Jackhammer (A.J.) Stamps I
Number: 1 (so dope)
Nickname: Dr. Napalm
Unfair NFL Comparison: Bob Sanders
Finishing move: One Shoulder Exploding Running Back
AJ was born right here in these United States to mother, Jennifer Stamps (1), and father, a tomahawk missile. At an early age AJ showed an aptitude for destroying things, and by things, I mean running backs and wide receivers. His first Pop Warner game was called at halftime due to "all the horror," and AJ's shoulder pads were promptly checked for dynamite. Finding none, the officials were forced to let AJ play the rest of the season, but instead of playing out the games, each team sent its captain to midfield, where he presented AJ with a sword and a letter of surrender. To this day, AJ's hometown of Missileville, USA refers to this practice as "Stamping." For instance, someone might ask, "Did you play today?" And the intended would respond by saying, without making eye contact, "No, man. We got Stamped."
After a stint at East Mississippi Community College, AJ came to the University of Kentucky, and Power K has obtained exclusive footage of AJ traveling from Tupelo (no idea where East MIss CC is) to Lexington:
In an effort to mask AJ's arrival, Commonwealth Stadium has begun the use of an "Air Raid" siren. This is contrary to popular belief, which contends that this "Air Raid" has to do with Neal Brown's pass-oriented offense. The fact, though, is that the Department of Justice, while being cool enough to allow a human/tomahawk missile hybrid to play college football, deemed that the appropriate warning sirens must be used when AJ is about to launch.
So, get used to hearing that siren, and welcome to Kentucky, AJ.
Check out the 5 Things Kentucky Must Do Against Ohio HERE
1. Tommy St. Randy