Johnny Manziel: System Quarterback

Two years ago, before I knew Manti Te'o was either A) a lying opportunist or B) more naive than the sorority girls who believed my great grandfather, "Ulysses Colgate," invented modern toothpaste, I decried Johnny Manziel as "an unworthy system quarterback whose Heisman victory would forever render hollow the most prestigious sports trophy south of the Stanley Cup" (yeah, I was super pretentious back in 2012).

"How do we not win the Heisman and Manziel does?"  "I don't know, but that's handsome Power K on those pants. I shoulda gone to Kentucky."

"How do we not win the Heisman and Manziel does?" 

"I don't know, but that's handsome Power K on those pants. I shoulda gone to Kentucky."

But the sports media, who's always right about everything because they're the only brodouchery in America more toxic to sports culture than Tom Jurich, voted to give Manziel the Heisman anyway because god forbid one of them ever have an original thought lest they be stripped of their national brodouchery stripes and demoted back to their local brodouchery where they'll have to serve a full season coming up with hot takes about the local Division II volleyball team. 

Texas A&M, John Manziel's never-to-be alma mater, went to 9th ranked South Carolina last night in a game which most people, including myself, Vegas and Steve Spurrier, assumed South Carolina would win. Instead, Kevin Sumlin's Aggies--in Williams-Brice Stadium--dropped 52 points on most people's, including myself, Vegas and Steve Spurrier, favorite to win the SEC East. They were led by sophomore quarterback Kenny Hill, who completed 44 of 60 passes for 511 yards and 3 touchdowns. Do you know who never threw for 511 yards at Texas A&M ever--against anyone? That's right, you do know.

So here's my point: I TOLD YOU SO. You can plug any decent quarterback into Kevin Sumlin's system, and he'll put up huge numbers. Manziel is not the first system quarterback to win the Heisman; Ty Detmer was. And you know what? It was wrong then, too. Rocket Ismail was light years better. So was Eric Bieniemy from Colorado if you believe Bill Walsh College Football on Sega Genesis, which you do because it was awesome even though you totally forgot about it until just now when I mentioned it. 

But I digress. I'm not going so far as to say the Heisman is bereft of all meaning (this isn't 2012) (Also I'll save that for another day because OMG Jameis Winston is everything the Heisman Trust Mission statement doesn't claim to represent). There have been plenty of recent winners who absolutely deserved the trophy: Mark Ingram, Reggie Bush, Vince Young. But if you're going to sit there and tell me Johnny Manziel was the best player in college football two years ago, then I'm going ask you for an appeal of the 1998 Heisman because Tim Couch got robbed. 

Related: Power K Ballad